forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
