the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
