puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why do cheetos always look like penises
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
