He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
