we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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