yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
