I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
not ubering you a puppy
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