zippers are such a cool invention
I love having hate sex.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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