just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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