he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
