You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
