I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
