I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize