it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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