Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
