why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
