We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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