This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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