A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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