Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
