So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
