You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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