I love black thongs
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
