I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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