dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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