Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
