The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There r osticjed everywhere
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
