9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
