Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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