I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
