I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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