i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's the barista slut.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
