In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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