I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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