What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
