Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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