Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
