oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
