btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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