dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
