hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
