4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
