I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize