i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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