I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize