you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
