His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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