I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We are two peas in an std pod
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What a dumb baby whore.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
