When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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