So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
