I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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