Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Drunk is a universal language darling
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
