when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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