i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize