my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize