Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
