so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
