Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
