i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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