omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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